The Last Fix

August 28, 2011

This story is extremely violent. In parts. Its about drug taking. People who don’t do drugs can’t imagine how horrible the experience can be. (It can also have the opposite effect. Its a crap shoot.) You either meet God or the devil. Both can be frightening. I wrote this after several friends of mine came to very sad ends. I was lucky. I got bored with the whole scene. I get bored with a lot of things. Especially myself. Only my wife remains interesting to me. Its her eyes.

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The Last Fix

Robin dropped in. Afternoon Shift. Complained about her feet. When business was good she complained about her back. Wanted to do something. Mainline. I sprinkled holy water on the syringe. Robin went down. On my zipper. Ray promised 3D. No snow. No shadows. No technical interference. No chance of meeting your maker. Grab those rabbit ears. And fly.

Parking lot. Moon humming. In the windshield of a 65 Chrysler. Asphalt. Black as night. Robin and I drifted. Between 2 Pontiacs. The mute tongue dangled. Robin was so full of promises. Louis Armstrong. Robin’s Crest toothpaste ambushing a muscle. Someone watching? Didn’t want to get arrested. For littering. I thought about the rush hour. And the 2nd coming of Bob Dylan. Remembered an article. Popular Mechanics. Avoiding the inevitable.

Memories. 2 angels has appeared at my door that morning. One wore a t-shirt that warned THE END OF THE WORLD WAS YESTERDAY. The second curtsied and introduced herself as Bonaparte. At first I thought they were agents. Of Unemployment Insurance Commission. Investigating my alleged poverty. I had been actively seeking employment. Yesterday I applied for a position. Immortality. I even volunteered for the Graveyard Shift. Turned away because of a lack of experience. And I couldn’t speak Greek.

Angels told me they were looking for a Viking. Named Ray. Said he peddled Coke. And Food Stamps. I told them I didn’t know anything about food stamps. Besides I was just his answering service. Leave a message.

The angels believed in the free market. But they didn’t appreciate getting the sticky end. If its a trade war Ray wanted, he would get his wish. Bonaparte snapped her fingers. Leaving her signature on my nuts. I was on my knees. God. Robin below me. Angels above.

Had to get my mind off the angels. Turned my head. Harry was laughing. At a stop. Waiting for a streetcar. Harry had a 2 day growth of wine on his breath. Taking out a deck of cards, Harry insisted I choose a card. I looked down at my card. 2 lovers in a snow drift. The card melted. Pick another one, Harry insisted. A cop on his beat. Badges nailed to his hands. Blood running. Away. The card ran off in pursuit. Pick another, Harry said. A bride holding a corsage. Shooting flowers into her veins. A perfect life. OD’d. Pick another. Mickey Mouse presenting his thesis. In which he attempts to prove the existence of Walt Disney. Another. A kid crippled in a recent fall from his father’s esteem.

I grabbed Harry by the shirt collar. Back in my apartment. Robin on her knees. Playing the Peale Street Blues. I tried to scream. My tongue poured out of my mouth. A drug. Just a drug. Remember. That.

Climbing. The sheer cliff. Of my father’s trousers. Bonaparte appeared. Over the top of my father’s knees. She glared down at me. Turned away. Harry threw down the rest of the deck. I fell beneath the avalanche. Women’s faces. Therese, an X-nun. She had an onion between her thighs. Every man who tried to make her happy ended up in tears. Frenchy. Who kept a string of watches along her arm. A petty thief. She tried to swim Lake Ontario. But got lost in the night. Jibs. With her crew cut. Kept herself in her room. At the hotel. You could hear her from down the hall. Crying out, ‘I’m ready’. And many more faces. Of women. Passing by. With their thumbs pointed down.

My eyes. Opening. A parking lot. Looked down. Robin’s lips had turned into a syringe. I was shooting up. My cock. Gasping for air. There was something about REALITY that my lungs just could not grasp. The last fix. I promised myself. Never. Never again. My eyes fastened down. Like shutters. I saw roses being crucified. On crosses. A young girl on a stage. Singing. Through the slit in her throat. A sailor. Drowning in the middle of the ocean. At night. His ship in the distance. My veins were aching. I cried out. ‘Hope takes too much courage’. I looked over at the moon. Staring at me from a Chryslers windshield. I yanked the needle out of my cock & plunged it into the eye. Of Robin. Laying beneath me.

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