Open empty

November 12, 2011

Kenneth Clarke in his TV series CIVILIZATION emphasized that part of a civilized society was confidence. And I think that the west and especially America has lost its confidence. That loss of confidence has not been due to military losses but to lies. The mythology of America has been left wanting. And the long term memory loss has left most Americans with no idea about their own history. Their notion of America has come from music, television, and movies. And much of that has been uncritical. It has referred back to some golden age (the 1950s, post-war America) which was never golden. It is a mythology created by ad machines. By money. By greed. And it is empty.

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Part 9

She’s gotten a job serving draft beer in a topless bar. She begged me not to show up at the place. I arrived one day. At noon drunk. She looked so good we did it in the back room where she changes. She told me that this could cost her the job. The staff is not supposed to fraternize with the customers.

I began to bring new friends home. I don’t remember their names except that 1 of the 3 used to be a chambermaid. I told her to serve us. Topless. At first she would not. I dragged her into the washroom where I wrapped my fist in toilet paper and beat her across the ribs.

She began to drink with us. Sometimes she was bottomless. Once I woke up from unconsciousness and found two of my friends going at her simultaneously. Did I dream this incident? I felt disgusted. What sort of depths had she fallen to.

I received a letter. The other day. The envelope was empty.

She’s decided to change her name. Her address. Her destiny. She’s had enough. She’s going to go to Hollywood and sign on as a terrorist in a stag film. I can’t come along. I would only drag her down. I’m sorry she said reaching across the kitchen table. From beneath the table a huge butcher knife appeared. No, she screamed. I chopped off her left hand and then the right. She help up the stumps. Fireworks exploded from each of their mouths. The two hands on the table began to move. I stared at them. Frozen in fright. The knife dropped to the floor. The two hands crawled up my right arm. They tip toed across my shoulders. Until they reached my neck. Where they wrapped themselves in murderous revenge.

I woke up with a start. She was kneeling over me. There was a cruel grin in her face. What are you doing, I cried. Just pretend that its a dream, she said. I stared at her hands. The fingers caressing the skin around my voice. Tightened.


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